Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
nutella sex= disaster
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
