Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
