This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
