We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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