If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
