I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
