ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
