If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
