i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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