i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
