There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
