I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize