Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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