We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
