Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
