That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
