I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just had sex on a roof
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
