so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
