You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
