You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
