Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
