I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
