you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You took a bar mat shot.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
