I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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