Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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