He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
