Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
