I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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