Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
