I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
