I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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