Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
