whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
