I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
