This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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