You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
