Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
