Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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