wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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