hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Blood and glitter go together right?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
