Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
