so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
