I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
