remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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