K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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