you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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