Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
