Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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