I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
