Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
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