dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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