Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
