Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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