hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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