It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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