Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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