So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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