drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
