i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize