I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
