If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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