I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
