woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
