I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
