she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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