So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
