me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
