i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
