At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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