he shaved USA in his pubs
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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