Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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