I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
