it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you traded sex for a burrito?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
